pain in the ass

ok, so i found a new template, and ya its pretty cool, but i cant figure out how to get comments on it, so if u wanna comment on a blog just email it to me at shortstuff97@comcast.net and ill try to get comments on here asap

him again

taylor called this mornin. just when ive got him outta my head, and convinced im over him, he has to call me. just what i need. idk what im gonna do about all this taylor stuff, its just all too complicated, i hate to take self pity, but i wish hed jus leave me the hell alone

Ever wonder???

Have you ever felt like someones just constantally playin games with you, telling you somethings one way or another, and u beliving it. Have you ever wondered if your friends arent really your friends, if they only hang out with you so when your gone, they can laugh at how stupid you are. Ever felt like the ones who say they love you dont really love you at all, they only say they do, to see if you acctually belive it. Ever wonder if your whole reality is a facade, and youve been played your whole life. Ever feel as if nothing is as it seems

i have

Santa never came

so, this mornin i woke up, and i guess i was half expecting there to b presents under the tree like there always are, guess i 4got, 1) were jewish, therefore we dont rele celebrate xmas that much 2) the few presents that i do get for xmas were opened last night 3) theres no one to put presents under the tree n e way

dad picked me up around 9 to go snowboardin, that was pretty fun, except we left kinda early cuz i didnt feel good, plus the snow kinda suked n e way. We drove back down to my dads house, we were gonna go out to lunch, but i fell asleep in the car so we just went home, lolz.

around 10 35 we decided to go c if n e one still had their xmas lights up, not much luck there but we had fun driving to aimless places for an hour. lolz,

i came home, took a shower, and thats bout it, wow i guess my day seemed more eventfull when it was happening, now it just kinda seems boring

well happy chrismachanukwanzaka everyone, ill post lata, much love,

a blah xmas eve

so its xmas eve, nothin rele happened today, very blah and boring, no use postin bout it

dancin flatta-footed

well, today i had miranda over, we were really bored so we decided to walk down to target and sears for no apparent reason. unfortunatly this required walkin bout 2 miles in 2 degree weather with only a hoodie. can u say cold! lolz, umm then we sat at home for about an hour, talkin on line and stuff. then i want to dance, britt gave me a stuffed squirrel 4 xmas, that was cool, and i guess that was about my day

o, also, this morning me and an old x-best frnd had a huge fight, it was kinda funny, and then tonight we saw her in the grocery store, kinda weird

thats it, another uneventfull day in the life of me, umm well i guess its officially x-mas eve, seeing how it is 1-ish, so that means tomorow is xmas, kinda happy, kinda not, well c how that goes, gonna b a weird xmas thats 4 sure, well i gotta try to get some sleep, love always

where all the poetry goes

i decided to create a blog to put all my poetry in so all you lovely people can read it and laugh at how bad i am, the adress is www.poemsrkewl.blogspot.com have fun

its all comin back

this is the time of year, when it all starts to come back to me, december is never a good month for me, it was the month taylor left, the month maria died, and the month i always dread. I found out a friends dad died this morning, and i know how she must feel, maria was like a grand mother to me, no, more like a best friend, then she was diagnosed with kidney cancer, the doctor told her she had three months to live. Soon after the diagnosis she moved back to boise with her son. 5 months later she was restricted to her bed, it took all her energy just to pick up the phone and call us, just to talk for a few minutes. I could tell in her voice, she was going to die any day now, and i just wasnt ready for it. On december 29 we got a phone call from alex, her som, telling us that she passed away in her sleep last night, and the first thing she saw before she fell asleep was my picture.

That was almost a year ago, and i miss her more than ever, this will be my first xmas without her, and its hard, i just pray that shes happy, wherever she is> she guides me through my everyday activities, is the source of all my decisions. i know how upset she would be to know that my parents are seperating. ill miss you forever and always

lost in the land of lonly

last night me and jomama were up till 4 30 talkin to bryce and his frnd aaron on line, and it kinda hit me how much i still miss taylor. I know i say that im totally over him, but theres still a very large part of me thats in love with him, and i know that sounds all mushy gushy and shit but its how i feel right now. Im really not likin the bein single thing, but i dont wanna go out with some random jackass thatll treat me like a hoe, or some guy im never gonna c cuz he lives a billion miles away.
the best xmas present i could get right now would be a guy who truly loves and cares for me, and doesnt just think of me as his "eye candy" or what evr, but apparently theres no one out there for me, all my friends have bf's and it just makes me feel really unloved. Maybe im just bein stupid, but i really want a bf. well ttfn

Orangejuice-aholics annymous

ok, so ive decied that im going to start an orangejuice-aholics annymous help line, for all those other orange juice aholics out there (if there are n e) send me you story at kissthekrazy1@hotmail.com and i promise i will write back and try to help as much as possible, being addicted is nothing to be ashamed of, but im here to help if you would like to talk, i will keep you and all your problems annymous, i am only here to help, anything you tell me will stay in total confidentially, e mail me please, love always

(p.s. i know many of you out there are laughing very very hard, but trust me, it is a serious problem, though orange juice my be legal, it is just as bad as any other drug, trust me i know)

winter break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heck yes, it is winter break, im so frikin happy!!! Umm, friday night i spent the night at jomamas, sat i spent the night at bres, and tonight shes spendin the night here. Im really kinda bored and i have no idea what to write, but thats ok, so i guess ill go now, loves

Squirrel Apocolipse

While i was doing research for a science progect on squirrels (theyre quite facinating you kow) i came across a few funny, yet slightly dusturbing sights i think some of you might like

www.discosquirrels.com

www.squirrels.org

www.scarysquirrel.org

www.chainreaction.com/squirrels.htm

http://members.tripod.com/srl2/

www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Birdland/6682

go 2 them, i highly recomend the disco one, its lame at first but then its really funny, also, these are NOT porno sites, just 2 let u know

keystone science school

ok, so im back, heres how the week went

monday~ got on bus, took tons of pictures of nothing, slept, got 2 keystone, did orientation, set up bunks, learned how 2 cross country ski, ate lunch, skied more, ate dinner, did a really boring program on adaptations, went back to bunks, slept

tuesday~ got up, got ready 4 breakfast, went 2 breakfast, went 4 a 6 hour skiing trip, got really cold, came back 4 diner, went 4 a night hike and did light experiments that had to do with adaptations in the night, went 4 a midnight hike 2 look at stars, came back, slept

wednesday~ pretty much jjust went home


ok so i know i made it sound really boring, but it was acctually really fun, im just too tired to explain it in detail, lolz, but it was fun, well im gonna go sleep now, bye bye

does orange juice have sideaffects?

well, its sunday night, another weekend gone and passed, i have officially become addicted to orange juice, which is why i hope it has no sideaffects, like turning your skin pink, or making your hair fall out. I knew someone who drank nothing but applejuice and she got really fat from it, so i hope that doesnt happen either, o well orange juice is still good
tomorrow its off to keystone for 3 days, which means no real school work, but also it means i have to spend day and night with my teachers, ugh, o well. it also means bein stuck in the mountains with some really hot guys and some of my best frnds. No internet for 3 days though, i swear im gonna die, lolz.
last week b4 winter break, excitedness, im in much need of a break. My grades are really bad right now, im too embarrased to post them, and thats not good, because im normally a straight A student so my parentals are gonna freak, o well
i had drama club auditions on friday, which was cool, but i kinda messed up my song, so i dont think i got the part, but its all good, on thurs ms christine comes back to dance, no more evil teacher for a few weeks (those of you who know what im talking about know im verry happy about this) well i should go, ill try to post when i got back from keystone, loveness

Suicide

Suicide, wow what to say, its such a selfish, pointless, thing to do. The way i see it is if you hate your life so much then fix it, dont kill yourself. also, think of all the people you leave behind, and the trauma you cause them. I know we all get the feeling at least once, that maybe things would be better if we werent here, i know i do, but that doesnt mean im gonna go killing myself, you know.

Wednesday, I walk into math class and notice theres not quite something right with Ms Martinez** (** indicate substituted names used, as to keep identitys as secret as possible) Normally shes extreemly perky and ready to have fun any chance she gets, but today is different, shes really really upset. I walk over to her, and ask her, "ms martinez**, whats wrong" but instead of a worded reply she simply bursts into tears. After 10 or 15 minutes of listening to her cry, and hearing the story piece by peice, this is what i finally come up with:
Tuesday night she was home grading papers, when she heard the phone ring. Looking at the caller ID she sees the name of an old friend (whom even though shes in school with, she hasnt talked to in a while) Excided to talk to her she answers quickly, but instead of Marys** voice on the other end, she hears a mans voice. Marys** husband explains to her that a few hours ago Mary** had killed herself, leaving behind a class of third graders, three boys, a husband, and friends who cared so much about her. Ms martinez** is shocked, first off, she has never dealt with suicide before, she also didnt expect Mary** of all people to kill herself, she was so happy and funloving, no one would have guessed things were so hard for her. She created a facaed to cover up what her life was really like, the fact that she was really that depressed.

Ironically, a few nights before i was lieing in bed reading (define "normal" by Julie Ann Peters, good book, i highly recomend it) I come across a passage, it read:

"Tell me about Tamaras sister," she added
I tensed again, her fingers dug in
After a long deep breath i said, "she died last summer, Tamara called to tell me, and mom didnt give me the message." She probably wasnt lucid enough to write it donw, i didnt add.
"Typical" Jazz muttered, "how did she die?"
"I dont know, Tamara wouldnt tell me
Jazz said, "Probably commited suicide"
My head shot up, "no way!" i twisted around
She shrugged, "you never know"
"I do know" i twisted back, "Shelly wouldnt do that, she wasnt sick or depressed or anything, she was perfectally normal"
"what do you mean?"
I turned around again, "what do you mean what do i mean?"
"I mean whats you deffinition of 'normal'?" she said
I clucked my tounge "you know, normal, happy, healthy, someone with family and friends. Shelly had all kinds of friends, she was really popular"
"so if your not popular your not normal?"
"i didnt say that" did i?
Jazz added, "I have friends, and family, so i guess im normal"
I sighed, "theres more," i said, "you have goals and dreams, things you want to do with your life, you value life, you dont waste it, you dont waste yourself"
she shrugged. "Id agree with that, im just saying you never know people, not really" her finger dug in again
i wriggled out of her grasp and she resumed her seat, her eyes held mine for a long moment before staring off over my sholder "i had a friend in sixth grade who shot himself in the head" she said, "everyone though it was an accident, except me. I knew he did it on pourpose, i could have stopped him too,i sensed things werent right, if only id called him when he quit hanging out with us, if only id been a better friend."
"its not your fault" i said, "you didnt shoot him"
she met my eyes, "i might as well have" her head dropped, "were all responsible, we might as well have put the gun in his hand and pulled the trigger"
"no" i shook my head, "you cant feel responsible for everyone in the world, you just cant"
her head raised and her eyes widened, "really?"
i widened my eyes back "really" then more softly i repeated it, "really"


i dont think we realize how big of a deal suicide is untill it happens to us, just make you tell your friends and family you love and care for them, because you never know when they could be gone



a little poem i wrote a while back, when i was almost sure a friends was gonna kill herself:

Why
Why do you do this
Why do you chose to hurt yourself
Why do you think these things
When you know im here to help

Why
Why dont you trust me
With the pain of all your tears
When you know that i have been here
For all these painful years

Why
Why dont you listen
When i say that i need you
And tell you that i would die
If you just happened to

Why

snow snow and more snow

ok, so theres not really that much snow, but considering i couldnt think of what the hell to title it, it works. Ummm, lets see, i spent all weekend up in winter park with a ton of frnds, very fun. I attempted to snowboard that was kinda interesting, and i got run over by innertubes (seriously i did) lolz, now im sittin on the comp typing, WHAT A CONCEPT! justin and i broke up :( sadness, o well ill get ovr it hee hee well ive got nuttin else to say so ill go now, bye

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR and other stuff

ok, so ya im kinda pissed off, also kinda confused. The other night me and justin were talking online, and we were all happy and lovie dovie and shit right, but then the next night i was talking to him on a different scn and he was all like get away from me bitch, so i fugured it prolly wasnt justin. so i started to play games, and talk about somethings only justin would know, and just as i suspected "they" didnt know who it was. So i figured it was macy(justins ex), and told her i knew it was her, and she got all difensive, like omg i didnt do n e thing, and then she said she did, so i told justin, just cuz i was really mad at her (not tryin to be a tattle tale or ne thing but she kinda deserved it at the time) and justin called her and cussed her out. still followin me? ok well at this point in time justin got off line and macy went all of on me, shes like OMG I CANT BELIVE YOUR GOING OU TWITH JUSTIN, AND HE STILL LIKES ME, HE JUST DOESNT WANT TO BREAK YOUR HEART AND IM SO MUCH BETTER THEN YOU. all that shit, so i was like well u know what macy its not my fault he hates u now so you can stop being a whore and get outta my life!!!!!!11 ok well i didnt acctually say that but i sure wanted to.

thing is though, this isnt the first time macy has said something like justin still loves me and he misses me, but then when i ask justin if he still like her he pulls this whole, no i hate that hoe attitude, so i really dont know what to belive ne more, lets just say im prepared to br broken up with if the time comes, i just hope it doesnt come 2 soon. well well see wut happens


on another note, today was a pretty good day, long but good, explorer (the team most of my friends are on) went on a field trip so i was lonly, but i acctually ended up hangin with the "popular" girls at recess, but most of them are my friends n e way, so it was all good. I hate it how theyre so steriotyped as stuck up sluts, i mean even i get called a slut cuz i hang out with them, and theyre really not like that, but u know what evr, im babbeling again so ill go, love lots

SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it snowed, whoo hoo!!!!!!! except seince our school is so unbeliveably gay we still had to go to school, :( sadness. I have officially decided i am done with taylor. I dont know why, but i know its something i need to do. Complicated i guess. Night b4 last justin asked me out (for the third time) and i finally said yes, except now i wish i had sooner, cuz i like him alot. well i should go love lots, ariel

scotte and jomama ~ a match made in heaven :)

so this is partally a sugustion by scotte, but i was plannin on puttin all this lovely stuff in here eventually so here it goes

ok so the title, dorky right, well thats ok, its true. These 2 are so kute together, but i dotn think either of them realize what they have, i mean jomama is my grl, so of course i love her, shes like one of my bestests and n e guy is unbeliveably lucky to have her. Scotte, well i dont know him very well, but thats ok, hes still pretty cool but jomamas all perinoid cuz she thinks mary is gonna steal him from her, and i kinda dont blame her, i mean she has every toher bf, once mary starts to talk to them they like mary more than jomama and dump jomama for mary, which i dont c y cuz jomama is so much prettier than mary, but marys such a slut that she could prolly get n e guy, man i seriously dislike her, but i hope these two never break up because they are so cute together and mary just need to back off and find her own guy i mean my goodness!

well ya n e way, thats all for now, post lata, love lots

life........... what more is there to it

well, yesterdays was friday, me miranda and my dad went shopping and got a bunch of computer stuff for my dads new house, and we looked at futons for me, fun stuff. Well then me makenzie miranda and erick went to the movies (saw the grudge, i hate that movie) miranda was flirting with erick like no other, it drives me nuts she thinks all the guys like her, and sure some of them do, but she trys to take all my guys and it pisses me off, she can be such a slut sometimes my god. grrrrrrrrrrrrr, im just so pissed, they were up till after 3 on MY cell phone with erick, and if my mom were to have to caught them then i would have been in so much trouble. then after i fell asleep my mom said she found makenzie and miranda tryin to get on my comp at 4 in the morinin after theyve been told not to by both me and mom, that shows me how much i can trust them, and is now why my computer is password protected, didnt think id have to do that to keep my "frnds" out, but guess so...... hum well then.....

i also talked to taylor yesterday, we talked mostly bout how hard a long distance realation ship would be, i also kinda found out how shallow hed become, somehow we got on the topic of fat people and taylor said that he wont date a fat girl, shows me a different side of taylor, one i dont really like, makes me wonder if hes always been like this and ive just never seen it, seems like lately everyones turning out to be a little different then what i had always known them to be, well we'll see how it all turns out. well ill try to post again later, loves lots

turkey day

today was thanks givin, not very eventfull as far as the whole it being a holiday thing goes, me and my mom went to go c a movie this mornin, and then my dad came ovr and we ate. Miranda called taylor, and asked him a ton of questions, he said that a ton of people are sayin we should go out but it would b so hard cuz i would nevr c him :( i want to go out with him more than n e thing, but i dont want to complicate things. Its weird though, like i get that flutterie feeling everytime i talk to him, or even see his name on caller id, but everytime the subject of me liking him comes up i get kinda bitchy, guess this is just cuz i like him so much, i dont really know. Also justin asked me out a few days ago and i said wait, i dont know why though, also erick asked me out a while ago but i told him to wait too, god how stupid am i, ive got 2 really hot guys askin me out, and im tellin them no for no real reason, well if erick askes me out again im gonna say yes. I kinda hope taylor doesnt ask me out though cuz i like him tons but he lives 2 far and i dont wanna have 2 say no 2 him. humm this is a toughie, also theres justin love him to death, but we fight alot and he lives pretty far 2, im kinda thinkin that ericks my best bet, i just hope he askes me out again, well i gtg entertain miranda, shes siittin on my bed whinin that shes bored, loves lots

a little thing called love

wow, what to say, i am officially im love (not like i havent been for 4 years but still) taylor called me back about two hours ago, and we talked up untill a few minutes ago cuz he had to go to sleep(its like 12 in iowa, even though hes in co right now) it was so weird to talk to him, it was so........ i dont know........ perfect. My heart was racing like never before, the whole time we were talkin, and it ws just like old times. crazy but now it all makes sense, why i like him so much, its nothing i can explain, only something i can feel, and man is it a good feeling, im in love

no idea what to title it

gotta love the title right, lolz, well n e way, sry i didnt update for a few days, i was doing something other than sittin on the comp for once, lolz jp, last night i stayed at jomamas place with merissa and mary and angela, very fun. I called tonya this morning and she gave me a number to reach taylor at, but i was way too chicken to call him untill just a few minutes ago, and of course he wanst at home, o well. I dont really know what else to say, so ill post lata. love lots,

well.....

well i think that all in all me and taylor are destined, i figure this: if you love some one, set them free, if they come back to you its meant to be. well taylors comin back to me, so im gonna go with that,

holdin you holds me together when holdin on get a little to hard when this tightrope i travel begins to unravel, and i feel like im fallin apart, holdin you holds me together

destined (i think)

im so confused, im lost in my own thoughts, i love taylor right, and i miss him more than any thing, ive never felt this way about any one before, so why do i have doubts. I know i love him, and i know that he at least used to love me, but i dont know. so much of me is telling me that were destined to be together but something is trying to stop me. Im so scared that maybe he doesnt feel the same way about me, or that im gonna get my heart broken again. I dont know what to do about it, everythings so confusing. I dont know what im thinking n e more, someone help me

AHHHHHHHHH

I have officially gone insane!!!! you know something is wrong when it is a saturday night and you are sitting on the computer, surfing other peoples blogs and reading the comments on everyone of their entries and trying to find more blogs to read in the process! arent i supposed to have a social life or something, guess not cuz its a saturday night and im sitting here in an extreeme state of boredom, can n e one help me? if you have n e ideas on how to make me NOT bored, plz help, lyl

another day, another blog

well, i had a dance show today and thats about it, fun stuff. However as i was going through my school work i came across a few poems i wrote a a couple weeks back, when i was having one of those days:

they tell me itll get better
but these days just seem to get worse
i hide behimd myself
waiting for a glimpse of hope
a sign of better days to come
but i see no light
it seems like nothings ever gonna change
like im always gonna be lost
waiting for something
or someone
to save me from this nightmare
i call my life

today is one of those days
when nothing seems alright
when i just wanna close my eyes
and pray for the pain to go away
but it never seems to
and i just hurt a little more
till the pain becomes unbareable
and i just cant take it
sometimes i just want to disappear
there seems no reason for me to stay
i just want to go
end the hurt
but i hold on
only for you
because i dont want you to hurt
like i do
dont want you to go through
all that i have
i hold on
because i love you

i see a young girl
she seems frightened
afraid of the world and what it has become
afraid of her own reality
she hides behind a smile
in an attempt to fool herself and all others
but one glance into her eyes tells otherwise
she looks lost
like she doesnt know where she belongs
her tear stained cheeks are saddened
they tell me that shes been through too much
she is only a child
why should she feel this way
she says everythings ok
but i can see thats not the truth
she is lonly, feels as though she is not loved
not accepted
her peers push her away
they do not want her
her parents simply dont notice her
all her joy has been washed away
and replaced by pain and suffering
few people understand her
they think that she is worthless
she cries herself to sleepwishing it would all dissapear
and all her problems would be solved
one look into her eyes
and i realize
i know this girl
shes me


wow, gotta love days like that, lol, o well we all have em, coment on the poems, id like to hear wut you think, loves

being there

last night, as i was over at my frnd brittanys house i got a call from another frnd. It was about 1 in the morning, but being the good frnd i am i answered it anyway. On the other line was my friend lauren** (this is not her real name, but i figured it would be best to keep her name confidential as to avoid hurting too many feelings.) Lauren was crying, why i dont know, but the point is she was, and normally i would take the time, find out what was on her mind, and assure her everything was ok, but this time i did something remotly different. Now im used to Laurens 1am phone calls when ever her bf breaks up with her, or one of her friends declare their frendship over, and like i said im always there for her> however as i answered my phone something occured to me, Im always there for lauren whenever she needs a sholder to cry on, or a hand to hold, but shes never really been there for me. So i answered my phone, and you know what i said, i said this :
"lauren i know that you think your life is really hard and i know that sometimes you feel totally worthless and like no one loves you, and i dont mind your 1am phone calls when something really goes wrong, but you cant ask for my pity everytime your bf breaks up with you of a frnd hurts you. You cant go around saying your gonna kill yourself everytime something little happens, unless you truly are serious. You cant just automatically assume im gonna be here everynight you call, you dont know half as much as you think you do about suicide, so you have no right to play areound with it. Im sry to say but i have my own problems too, problems that youve never been there to help me with, things that you just brush off when i try to bring them up or talk to you about. There have been so many times when youve told me to get over my problems just so i could help you with yours, and Im sorry to say, but because of this you dont know half as much about me as you think you do. There have been multipul times when ive needed you at 1am but you didnt answer your phone because you were too tired to deal with my problems> Youre my bestest lauren, and you know that, but you cant keep expecting me to be there for you unless youre willing to do the same for me. "
she didnt really say n e thing, but just sat there, i know she was supprised to hear that from me, but i belive it was good for me to get it out, it helped me myself realize that i was being taken advantage of in a way. what i said didnt ruin our friendship, if anything it made it stronger, often times we dont tell eachother how we feel, for fear of being hurt, but often times it really does help to say whats on our minds. Lauren was mad at me for a bit, but it was worth it.

this morning i recived an email from merissa, who was there during me and laurens convo it read:
if one day....
if one day you feel like cryin
call me
i dont promise that i can make you laugh
but ill cry with you

if one day you want to run away
dont be afraid to call me
i dont promise to ask you to stop
but i can run with you

if one day you dont wanna listen to anyone
call me
i promise to be there for you
and i promise to be very quiet

but if one day you call
and i dont answer
come fast
perhaps i need you



i guess what im getting is that alot of times we automatically assume that our frnds are gonna be there for us when we need them, because thats their duty as a frnd, but we forget that when they need us that we should be there for them too, instead of blowing them off just because its not your problem. think about it, i know ive done it once or twice, just forgotten about a frnd so you could focus on your own problems, im sure you have too. Just remember next time a frnd needs you, because you dont know what could happen if theyre not there.

friday, whoo hoo

ITS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so glad it is a friday i need a weekend sooo bad, today was such a long day cuz i had to make up all the work i missed, big disadvantage of missin a day of school, lol. I did get my repartcard though, all A's! of course the parentals didnt even say good job, ughhh. O well, shake it off :) so i was lookin through a magizine this afternoon and i found my 05 horiscope, now im not one to buy into this kinda stuff because it never applies to me, and once again it doesnt but i figured id post it in here n e way:

the first half of 05 youll be sixflags personified, flying high and having fun fun fun. And you could use a rockin good time relase after all of last years mishaps and messups. mid year through prepare to buckup and get in the slow lane. that doesnt mean good times will go poof, but youll put off a balencing act between fun and games and real life responsibility. Grades, family, and other serious stuff come first on your list before entertainment activities, how mature you are becoming!

ya right, o well, i hate these things theyre always so fake! lol, well ttyl, love lots

another day in the infamous life of me

well, it was back to school today, late start day though so that was nice, we also had a field trip, so thats all good except for the fact that we had to go to the colorado school of mines. Ya, dont get me wrong field trips are better then going to school, but let me tell you, the school of mines ia no party school, so heres how the day went:

K, well obviously first we had to load the busses and be bored for 30 mins while we get to the stupid place, that was very uneventful, then we have to go into this lecture room, and watch a guy blow himself up for 2 hours (pointless but funny) and then the really fun part, we got to wait in line for 20 minutes to get incredibly overpriced food that i cant eat n e way cuz im a veggie, lol. Then of course I had to get stuck in the WORST group, but im sick of summerizing the field trip, so lets just say it was boring.

AHHHHHHHHHHH the evil dance teacher must be gotten rid of!!!!!! now im not normally a very violent person, but i seriously dislike this woman, she thinks shes all that cuz she "danced in new york" and honestly shes not even that good of a dancer. Plus she treats us like were frikin 5 year olds, and omg, what not to wear have i got a job for you, i mean i swear this girl brushes her hair once a month and wears the same thing every time i go to dance, I mean at least try! GRRRR, she makes me so mad, o well taylors supposed to come back in a few days and tomorows a friday, so all is good
love always

short and titleless

what is this, the 4th post of the day? hey what can i say, im bored. ive also got alot on my mind, but im not really sure what it is so im not even gonna bother writin bout it. I guess ill go now, adios (it means bye)

man i hate steriotypes

well, i stayed home from school today, and acctually got to sleep in, that was nice, but then my phone woke me up, damn tecnology. I really needed a break from school, im so sick of the teachers and kids there, if it werent for my friends i would be such a mess. I love them so much they are the only ones who understand the real me, everyone else just sees what they want to, they all see me as this georgeous 13 year old, who has everything, friends, good grades, a great life, huh, great life my ass. I have had to go through so much more then anyone knows, and not that im searchin for selfpity or anything here but i mean come on, dont try to tell me that i dont know what "it" feels like, cuz you dont know the first frikin thing about my life. I get so many people tellin me that i dont know what it feels like to lose some one, and that i have everything and im so lucky. NOT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO LOSE SOMEONE??? ya right, where should i start, well weve got maria (i lost her) o and weve got allie(lost her too) and weve got andrea (deffinatly lost her) o and lets not forget taylor, the love of my life and one of my best friends (pretty sure i lost him too) so screw all those stupidass people at school who think they know me, cuz omfg you dont! and im so sick of bein told how i should live my life. Ive been writin alot of poetry lately, mostly about taylor,. but about other stuff too, i was planning on posting some, but i dont exactaly have time right now, so ill try to post lata, love lots,

popularity, SOOOO overated

i just finished reading a friends blog, and in it was an email that we had both recived some time ago by another friend, might i say that when i did recive this email i was in 7th grade and my #1 goal was to get in with the "popular" group, well this changed how i thought about the "popular" girls and being "popular" hope it does the same for you:

after having a certain arguement with someone i recentally discovered the meaning popular i used in an incorrect way. the actual meaning of popular is to be known or liked by many people or having many friends. well if this is the true meaning of popular then the whole world and every one in it must be popular. i for one know that many people know me, whether or not they like me is a different question, i also know i have many friends. i would be totally shocked if there was a single person in this whole entire world who was not known or liked by someone. So after reading this do you still belive that youre not popular because you dont hang out with certain people or wear certain cloths or act a certain way, if you do you need a serious reality chech cuz youre buying into this totally superficial thing. And i do admit that i bought into it once too, untill i found out the true meaning of popular. Personally i think we should just throw his stupid word out the window, it does nothing for us but make us have a low selfesteem, So if you dont belive every word i just said then fine, just ignore this message, but if you think what im saying is true pass it around, tell it to people who are feeling low about not being popular, or someone who thinks they are popular and need to wake up and smell the coffie, thanks for listinin

thanks a billion

a quick little thankyou, mainly for britt, but for everyone else whos been there too:

through thick and thin
youve been there
when im down and times are tough
youre there when i most need you
to help me deal with stuff
you think that it dosent matter
and you think that i dont care
but thereve been times when id be dead
if you hadnt been there
i say its no big deal
all this stuff im going through
but you know thats a total lie
you know that its not true
you know how im feelin
and you know that things are hard
but youre always there to help me
youve gotten me this far
you know when im sufferin
and i want to give in
but youre there to tell me to hang on
and reassure me i can win
theres no real way i can thank you
for bein who you are
youve saved my life because of it
and helped me mend my heart
youve always been there
always will
youll never quit on me
thanks for bein a true friend
and helping me to see
its youre love that has saved my life

and the saga continues

IM AM SO FRIKIN TIRED, omg i havent slept in like a week, and i am so tired i almost fell asleep like 10 times today in class, thats not good, and we have so much homework tonight, so even if i wanted to sleep i couldnt cuz im gonna be up all night doin homework, have my techers no simpathy for me, guess not. So yesterday me and tonya(still not sure if i like her or not, but hey shes taylors cousin so thats a plus) went to the park by my house with my ex-bf, now in order to understand how things went down theres a few things u need to know: 1) when me and nick went out he was a total loser, but i was like madly in love with him 2) nicks is deffinatly not a loser n e more, and hes gotten pretty hot 3)me and nick were at the park a while ago, and we were pretty comphy together 4) taylors supposed to be comin out in a week. Ok so heres how it went, me and tonya and nick were just chillin and talkin and stuff, and i started to like him again, now like i said taylors comin out in a week and so i dont wanna mess things up by bringin nick into the picture but i just dont know how i feel about nick n e more, but i deffinatly like taylor and really miss him so i dont wanna screw things up there, also theres this other guy i really like, justin, but hes mad at me, and its just so confusing, grrrr, guys are so weird!!!!! But ya n e way, some freaky guy came up to me today and asked me my name, brittany told him it was megan so now hes walkin around callin me megan, pretty funny if you ask me, lol, well the parentals are makin me do my stupid hw, so ill try to write lata, love lots

still tired still bored

ok, so we got our scheduels today, good and not good, my scheduel is as follows,
p1 reading (aka homeroom)
p2 spanish
p3 LA
p4 phys sci (with gibb unfortunatly)
p5 alg
p6 TA for Ruiz (my TA and span swithched)
p7 am hist

still same as it used to be except for the fact my ta and spanish switched themselves, not like it matteres theyre with the same teach, lol, well i gtg sleep (or try) love lots

ps supposedly taylors supposed to come into CO for thanks givin, that should be cool, i havent seen him for 2 years, im kinda freaked about it, but well see how it goes, lol)

sleepless in colorado

ok, so i havnt slept in like 3 days and i have no idea why, i know i need my beauty sleep and all, but iguess theres just been so much on my mind lately. man i miss taylor so much, i know i shouldnt dwell on it, but im afraid that if i try to put it in the past i might lose the memory of him totally, and i dont wanna do that at all, hes one of the only things that i truly love (i know that sounds tacky but hey its true) i wish i could talk to him so bad, well im gonna go try to get some sleep, lyl

Im really bored

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