being there

last night, as i was over at my frnd brittanys house i got a call from another frnd. It was about 1 in the morning, but being the good frnd i am i answered it anyway. On the other line was my friend lauren** (this is not her real name, but i figured it would be best to keep her name confidential as to avoid hurting too many feelings.) Lauren was crying, why i dont know, but the point is she was, and normally i would take the time, find out what was on her mind, and assure her everything was ok, but this time i did something remotly different. Now im used to Laurens 1am phone calls when ever her bf breaks up with her, or one of her friends declare their frendship over, and like i said im always there for her> however as i answered my phone something occured to me, Im always there for lauren whenever she needs a sholder to cry on, or a hand to hold, but shes never really been there for me. So i answered my phone, and you know what i said, i said this :
"lauren i know that you think your life is really hard and i know that sometimes you feel totally worthless and like no one loves you, and i dont mind your 1am phone calls when something really goes wrong, but you cant ask for my pity everytime your bf breaks up with you of a frnd hurts you. You cant go around saying your gonna kill yourself everytime something little happens, unless you truly are serious. You cant just automatically assume im gonna be here everynight you call, you dont know half as much as you think you do about suicide, so you have no right to play areound with it. Im sry to say but i have my own problems too, problems that youve never been there to help me with, things that you just brush off when i try to bring them up or talk to you about. There have been so many times when youve told me to get over my problems just so i could help you with yours, and Im sorry to say, but because of this you dont know half as much about me as you think you do. There have been multipul times when ive needed you at 1am but you didnt answer your phone because you were too tired to deal with my problems> Youre my bestest lauren, and you know that, but you cant keep expecting me to be there for you unless youre willing to do the same for me. "
she didnt really say n e thing, but just sat there, i know she was supprised to hear that from me, but i belive it was good for me to get it out, it helped me myself realize that i was being taken advantage of in a way. what i said didnt ruin our friendship, if anything it made it stronger, often times we dont tell eachother how we feel, for fear of being hurt, but often times it really does help to say whats on our minds. Lauren was mad at me for a bit, but it was worth it.

this morning i recived an email from merissa, who was there during me and laurens convo it read:
if one day....
if one day you feel like cryin
call me
i dont promise that i can make you laugh
but ill cry with you

if one day you want to run away
dont be afraid to call me
i dont promise to ask you to stop
but i can run with you

if one day you dont wanna listen to anyone
call me
i promise to be there for you
and i promise to be very quiet

but if one day you call
and i dont answer
come fast
perhaps i need you



i guess what im getting is that alot of times we automatically assume that our frnds are gonna be there for us when we need them, because thats their duty as a frnd, but we forget that when they need us that we should be there for them too, instead of blowing them off just because its not your problem. think about it, i know ive done it once or twice, just forgotten about a frnd so you could focus on your own problems, im sure you have too. Just remember next time a frnd needs you, because you dont know what could happen if theyre not there.