I'm unsure how to express the way ive been feeling the past couple days. Recently, my girlfriend and i just broke up, which hurt really badly. I knew that things hadn't been going so hot, that we were bound to fall soon, and after six months, i knew things werent as strong as they could be, it just twisted the knife to hear her tell me she wasnt in love with me anymore. Of course, i had no choice but to accept it, and i was willing to move on.... well sorta. What really hurts though, is i can hardly bear to talk to her, i just feel like everytime i speak to her my heart gets ripped out. She's become fairly close to my best friend, and though i liek to believe it wont happen, i cant imagine how it would feel if they ended up together. It hurts when theyre always texting eachother, and while i know im more important to my friend than my ex is, it still kinda like ow.
On top of that, November has just been shit, ive been sick on and off, really emotionally unstable, and just stressed stressed stressed. I cant even begin to say how much i needed this break were on now, just not being at school is so nice. Im ready for a fresh start, im trying to be positive and look on the bright side, but lets face it, november doesnt belong on the calendar.
Im trying to look at this single thing positivly, now i can go and do my own thing, be free, it gives me a chance to form crushes and to just get back into life, but i also miss everything that comes with a relationship. Im hoping that maybe ill be able to find someone to distract me, even just a little crush to help get her out of my head, but i dont know if shell leave. It kills me to know that time is all thats gonna cure the way i feel. And it sucks
Musical auditions are coming up. Wishes of luck to ariel
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
For the sake of a more recent blog
Just now, i found a very old blog of mine, one i dont think ive written since the seventh grade. In addition, i edited and made it so its up and running again, so maybe ill addict myself to that blog again, in a new, more mature state. I should say im astonished as to how much ive changed, but frankly, im not. I am plenty aware that in no way am i the same person i was three years ago, i guess i just forgot how much ive really grown.
Writing makes me feel acomplished, like Im actually taking time to do something worth while, because we all know that writing a blog is worth while. Really though, i think i just need a moment to focus on my thoughts and just be in once place right now. Unfortunatly for you folks reading this, that place happens to be here.
I do believe its needless to say, the past few weeks have been quite eventful. Aside from your average Ariel drama, some things have deffinatly changed. Upon finishing up the play, i realized how much the stage really means to me. To some, acting is just that, acting. A place to be someone your not. For me, it is so much more. When i was young, i remember not being the happiest kid on the planet, but when i would act, when i would dance, things would just feel, right. I can remember times when i would cry on stage, because it was the only place i could feel emotion. I was passionate about the stage, the people, the performace. I still maintain that passion, but on a so much deeper level. Recently, i lost something dear to me, that i never imagined i would. (no, not my liver) My emotions are a mess, a big filthy mess, but not all in a negitive way; and tonight, when i went back to ballet after three weeks of missing it, i realized just how healing talent can be. Having something in me that i know ill never lose, something i love and cherish. I didnt need katie to tell me i was doing well, or Arielle or Erika to pat me on the back, or even mel to thank me for wearing a skirt for once, because it was all for me. Its always been for me. Until tonight, i didnt think anything was going to be ok. But standing in front of that mirror and just dancing, the one thing i know i can do, made me realize. Things dont always come easily. Im going to hurt for quite a while, and my court date on friday isnt going to help either. My insides are going to feel empty, and trying to shove something artificial into them isnt going to help the healing, only time. I thank my friends for holding my hand, i thank my daddy for still allowing me to love him no questions asked, and i thank myself, for being exactly who i am, and nothings going to change that.
Well, thats not where i expected to go with this, but i suppose sometimes, thoughts do just happen. I think im going to grab some tea, try and warm up my frigid little body. Perhaps ill keep with this thinking thing, maybe spend some time on my roof. But before i do that, i think there are a few people i need to remind of just how much i love them
Writing makes me feel acomplished, like Im actually taking time to do something worth while, because we all know that writing a blog is worth while. Really though, i think i just need a moment to focus on my thoughts and just be in once place right now. Unfortunatly for you folks reading this, that place happens to be here.
I do believe its needless to say, the past few weeks have been quite eventful. Aside from your average Ariel drama, some things have deffinatly changed. Upon finishing up the play, i realized how much the stage really means to me. To some, acting is just that, acting. A place to be someone your not. For me, it is so much more. When i was young, i remember not being the happiest kid on the planet, but when i would act, when i would dance, things would just feel, right. I can remember times when i would cry on stage, because it was the only place i could feel emotion. I was passionate about the stage, the people, the performace. I still maintain that passion, but on a so much deeper level. Recently, i lost something dear to me, that i never imagined i would. (no, not my liver) My emotions are a mess, a big filthy mess, but not all in a negitive way; and tonight, when i went back to ballet after three weeks of missing it, i realized just how healing talent can be. Having something in me that i know ill never lose, something i love and cherish. I didnt need katie to tell me i was doing well, or Arielle or Erika to pat me on the back, or even mel to thank me for wearing a skirt for once, because it was all for me. Its always been for me. Until tonight, i didnt think anything was going to be ok. But standing in front of that mirror and just dancing, the one thing i know i can do, made me realize. Things dont always come easily. Im going to hurt for quite a while, and my court date on friday isnt going to help either. My insides are going to feel empty, and trying to shove something artificial into them isnt going to help the healing, only time. I thank my friends for holding my hand, i thank my daddy for still allowing me to love him no questions asked, and i thank myself, for being exactly who i am, and nothings going to change that.
Well, thats not where i expected to go with this, but i suppose sometimes, thoughts do just happen. I think im going to grab some tea, try and warm up my frigid little body. Perhaps ill keep with this thinking thing, maybe spend some time on my roof. But before i do that, i think there are a few people i need to remind of just how much i love them
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)