As the semester nears a close

I feel it necessary to write a blog....? Who knows. This has been an up and down emotion week. It's funny, November was such a shitty month, I was convinced that December would be better. After ripping November out of the calender and starting December with a nice cup of hot cocoa (which i cant say without laughing and thinking of brandon garegnani now) i figured it would be a much better month. Dont get me wrong, i must give December credit for being a bit better, and not quite as cold, funny as it is, im still slightly dissapointed in it.

In an attempt to be positive.... goods of the month:
-Musical auditions, and a fairly ok part
-Figuring out whats wrong with my body and knowing that it will probably be fixed
-I broke my phone, but i got a new, prettier one :)
-Ive been spending alot of time with Ariel and learning alot about me, sometimes alone isnt so bad
-I got new tap shoes, fucking yes!
-I bought a travel scrabble game! I love scrabble

Thats about all i have energy to think up right now. I plan on getting my hair cut over break, spending as much time as i can out of the house, and refreshing me. I could use some self pampering.

Am i the only one that has bothered to notice Ricola Cough drops only come in packs of 19? What happened to number 20? Did the manufacturer get a sore throat?.... Beside the point.

Snow Patrol has recently touched me (by recently i mean this morning) and made me think quite a bit, and i thank it for that.

I've demoted myself to talking to a camper on a saturday morning instead of writing an AP paper, but thats ok, sometimes i enjoy talking to innocence..... hmm.... am i creepy? probably

Anyways, i would like to extend an apology to anyone i havent been entierly decent to lately, mostly a few of my guy friends and some people that i really do love. I havent been my self, at all, lately, and you seem to be getting the brunt of that. I truly am sorry for this.

I should probably remove myself from this blog now. Fair well to you all. *cough* *sneeze* *cough* I hate being sick :(

Stress might as well be a four letter word

I'm unsure how to express the way ive been feeling the past couple days. Recently, my girlfriend and i just broke up, which hurt really badly. I knew that things hadn't been going so hot, that we were bound to fall soon, and after six months, i knew things werent as strong as they could be, it just twisted the knife to hear her tell me she wasnt in love with me anymore. Of course, i had no choice but to accept it, and i was willing to move on.... well sorta. What really hurts though, is i can hardly bear to talk to her, i just feel like everytime i speak to her my heart gets ripped out. She's become fairly close to my best friend, and though i liek to believe it wont happen, i cant imagine how it would feel if they ended up together. It hurts when theyre always texting eachother, and while i know im more important to my friend than my ex is, it still kinda like ow.

On top of that, November has just been shit, ive been sick on and off, really emotionally unstable, and just stressed stressed stressed. I cant even begin to say how much i needed this break were on now, just not being at school is so nice. Im ready for a fresh start, im trying to be positive and look on the bright side, but lets face it, november doesnt belong on the calendar.

Im trying to look at this single thing positivly, now i can go and do my own thing, be free, it gives me a chance to form crushes and to just get back into life, but i also miss everything that comes with a relationship. Im hoping that maybe ill be able to find someone to distract me, even just a little crush to help get her out of my head, but i dont know if shell leave. It kills me to know that time is all thats gonna cure the way i feel. And it sucks


Musical auditions are coming up. Wishes of luck to ariel

For the sake of a more recent blog

Just now, i found a very old blog of mine, one i dont think ive written since the seventh grade. In addition, i edited and made it so its up and running again, so maybe ill addict myself to that blog again, in a new, more mature state. I should say im astonished as to how much ive changed, but frankly, im not. I am plenty aware that in no way am i the same person i was three years ago, i guess i just forgot how much ive really grown.

Writing makes me feel acomplished, like Im actually taking time to do something worth while, because we all know that writing a blog is worth while. Really though, i think i just need a moment to focus on my thoughts and just be in once place right now. Unfortunatly for you folks reading this, that place happens to be here.
I do believe its needless to say, the past few weeks have been quite eventful. Aside from your average Ariel drama, some things have deffinatly changed. Upon finishing up the play, i realized how much the stage really means to me. To some, acting is just that, acting. A place to be someone your not. For me, it is so much more. When i was young, i remember not being the happiest kid on the planet, but when i would act, when i would dance, things would just feel, right. I can remember times when i would cry on stage, because it was the only place i could feel emotion. I was passionate about the stage, the people, the performace. I still maintain that passion, but on a so much deeper level. Recently, i lost something dear to me, that i never imagined i would. (no, not my liver) My emotions are a mess, a big filthy mess, but not all in a negitive way; and tonight, when i went back to ballet after three weeks of missing it, i realized just how healing talent can be. Having something in me that i know ill never lose, something i love and cherish. I didnt need katie to tell me i was doing well, or Arielle or Erika to pat me on the back, or even mel to thank me for wearing a skirt for once, because it was all for me. Its always been for me. Until tonight, i didnt think anything was going to be ok. But standing in front of that mirror and just dancing, the one thing i know i can do, made me realize. Things dont always come easily. Im going to hurt for quite a while, and my court date on friday isnt going to help either. My insides are going to feel empty, and trying to shove something artificial into them isnt going to help the healing, only time. I thank my friends for holding my hand, i thank my daddy for still allowing me to love him no questions asked, and i thank myself, for being exactly who i am, and nothings going to change that.
Well, thats not where i expected to go with this, but i suppose sometimes, thoughts do just happen. I think im going to grab some tea, try and warm up my frigid little body. Perhaps ill keep with this thinking thing, maybe spend some time on my roof. But before i do that, i think there are a few people i need to remind of just how much i love them